dichotomies R us

7:14am: sorry
here's one of more substance to make up for that other shit. yes, it's cut and pasted from facebook, fucking sue me...

;

Firstly, I titled this with a semicolon simply because I find it to be the most useful and constructive punctuation mark in the English language; anyway, for a while I thought that these facebook - I feel it is worth noting at this point that facebook has just told me to capitalize the word "facebook," despite the fact that its logo at the top of my screen is not capitalized AND facebook does not find it necessary to tell me to capitalize the word "I" (!) - notes were just another contribution to that shockingly abhorrent infotainment imbroglio into which our purported fourth pillar of government has deteriorated, and maybe a lot of them are, however, I brought myself to read a couple of them in the past few days and they were quite well written and actually contributed something to my pool of thought other than what is making you sad today (yes, I'm talking about LiveJournal), - again, worth noting: facebook thinks "LiveJournal" should be "live journal;" rivalry, much? - so I thought I'd try my hand at it; this winter break relative to the last has been relaxing and quiet; there's not that much to do in Haddon Heights, so I've just been digesting all that I learned this semester and I find that I'm now able to apply all of it to my reality; the best part about the whole reality thing, I've decided, is the notion that all possible versions of reality exist at the exact same time, and, though totally subjective within the infinity of the reality continuum, are, perforce, effective cognitive realities in each individual subject; of course, like every interesting idea I have, many white men published many books on it many years ago; in the essay "Form, Substance and Difference," Gregory Bateson states, "we say the map is different from the territory. But what is the territory? Operationally, somebody went out with a retina or a measuring stick and made representations which were then put on paper. What is on the paper map is a representation of what was in the retinal representation of the man who made the map; and as you push the question back, what you find is an infinite regress, an infinite series of maps. The territory never gets in at all. […] Always, the process of representation will filter it out so that the mental world is only maps of maps, ad infinitum." (Bateson 1972); the countless maps of maps of maps that exist in the mind of each individual are pages in the infinitely long script of the reality continuum, meaning that each version is correct within its own psychological context as defined by its own terms and necessarily different from all others; thus every possible version of reality exists at the same time because reality is not the same for any two people, though each individual's reality is just as much a reality as that of any other; and back to that thing from the intro about semicolons: this whole fucking facebook note is one single sentence; infinity's everywhere you want to find it.

6:11am: frivolousness incarnate
I don't know why i'm resurrecting LJ after nearly five months with this of all things; I guess I'm really that bored. Anyway, here's some shit you probably don't care about:

1.What does your Myspace Name MEAN?
It's an abbreviation of my nickname/reference to a Beck song

2. Where was your default pic taken?
in the Brett lounge

3. Whats your middle name?
matthew

4. Your current relationship status?
all over the place

5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
i don't even know how to explain this

6.Are you happy?
currently i'm just bored

7.Name the people you love the most?
my bros and hos at RU, the fam, obv.

8. What makes you happy?
having realizations, dance parties

9. Are you musically inclined (play an instrument)?
nah

10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
nothing, I don't want to fuck with the universe that much

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
a falcon (they can go 250mph!)

12. Ever had a near death experience?
many

13. Something you do a lot:
drink booze

14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head now?
there's a song playing on my computer, its "Huddle Formation" by The Go! Team

15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
some one else you probably don't know

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Jenn Logg

18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
yes

20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
cuteness, clothing, hairstyle, ass (I can't lie about this one)

23. What's your favorite color?
blue.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
occasionally

26. Do you have braces?
no

27. Are you excited about anything?
next semester in general, weekends in particular

28. Do you miss anyone?
yes

29. Do you hate anyone?
a few people, mostly those associated with GWB

30. What's your favorite smell?
the bathroom after I get out of the shower

and...IT'S A TWOFER!

in 2006 have you....

had more then 4 boyfriends/girlfriends?
haha, no

been in love?
allegedly

been kissed?
yes

been injured?
physically and psychologically

had a drunken night?
just one? no

made new friends?
a couple

lost any friends?
a couple

dated someone you thought you had no chance with?
no

liked a song only because it was on your boyfriends/girlfriends myspace?
stupid question

made a myspace?
no, i got on that boat really early

had your birthday?
no, for some reason I haven't had one since 1998, so I'm still technically 11

went swimming?
briefly

traveled out of state?
yes

read any good books?
yes, everyone should check out Eviatar Zerubavel's The Fine Line

ditched a friend?
probably, but they've ditched me, too

madeout with someone just so you can make someone else jealous?
no

threw up from drinking?
yes, but there was a lot of absinthe involved

got a new pet?
no

experienced something new?
perforce, yes

went sledding?
i think so

been chased by a stray animal?
umm, no

been called a whore while walking down the street?
no

been in a fist fight?
almost

been in a verbal fight?
yes

been in a spelling bee?
no, i'm a sophomore in college

bought something for someone?
yes

changed as a person?
probably

has 2006 been a good year?
intermittently
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IN 2007.....

are you graduating?
no

going to make a new years resolution?
i never do

going to have a drunk night?
many

going to have sex?
hopefully

going to a different school?
no

going to move?
yes

going to make new friends?
yes

going to keep your myspace?
probabaly

going anywhere special?
Montreal, Israel, Italy

going to party it up?
that's sort of my job

will 2007 be better then 2006?
conceivably

I apologize for wasting whatever portion of your life it took to read that.

3:05am: NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC
Everyone:

do yourself a huge favor and go see Snakes on a Plane ASAP.

It's serpentacular.

4:16am: if you love something, give it away
i don't know how i'm supposed to feel. i know this is what has to happen, i know this is the only way that makes sense. we both knew, i think, that it would come to this at some point, we simply couldn't bring ourselves to talk about it. i just want to know that it was meaningful, that it was as special as we believed it was. i've never felt anything as wonderful (or as tormenting) as this past year, and i don't know if it's because of the drugs, or the chronic heartbreak, or the fact that the reality of the situation has once and for all established itself, but it feels like this is what was meant to happen all along. i only wish i knew what's next.

11:36pm: !
I can't believe that I've finished my first year of college. All through high school, college was the holy grail; the parentless, drug-laden, essentially rule-less holy grail. It is all this and more. As the final hours of the semester tick away, the building is immersed in a fervor of drunk, crunk, stunk, junk, funk and any other word ending in -unk that you can think of. I've met some amazing people and had some incredible times in the past academic year and I am so glad that I decided to come to Rutgers. Brett Hall forever!

3:20am: i am certain
that the waffle is superior to the pancake. it has little cubicles that can be filled with butter and maple syrup. the waffle is the ultimate triumph of deliciousness and should be enjoyed and celebrated more widely. i, for one, am going to dedicate a day each year in honor of the waffle. who wants to celebrate waffle day?

2:23am: This is an instant message that i got from a bot (verbatim):

The job we offer is related to mail. It is an easy job which does not require leaving your main occupation. You will have to receive to your home address parcels from our clients and ship them out (we offer 24US_dollars for each shipped out box).
Contact: Daniel Mroz ~ AIM screenname: MrozDan

I can't even imagine what's in those parcels

1:36am: There's a villain in my head
Who would win

in a

fight to the death

between



Sufjan Stevens



and Cat Stevens



(aka Yusuf Islam)

???

3:39am: I thought as much

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof). Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe. </td> agnosticism 96% atheism 79% Islam 71% Satanism 71% Buddhism 58% Paganism 50% Judaism 46% Hinduism 38% Christianity 29% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.

12:59am: So...
last night (new year's eve) i went to the park and drank whiskey by myself and chainsmoked and listened to my ipod and smoked pot. i had to sneak back into my house while people were home in order to obtain the whiskey. i was super fucking stealth about it, too. nobody had any idea.

3:30am: She tells me all the time...
2005, you kept it real.

3:51am: She is calling from across the world . . .
trans-at-lan-ti-cism
function: noun
an emotion of longing felt for one who is some great distance away, as across the Atlantic Ocean



Oxford, I assure you this is a real phenomenon. Print it up in the next edition.

7:03pm: If you never try, you'll never know . . .
So college is essentially a strange cycle of smoking pot, sitting on benches outside of Brett (my building), classes, general mischief/fucking around and the occasional homework. There really is no element of control here, as opposed to the procrustean manner of the Sandowich. This sudden deluge of nearly unrestricted freedom isn't so much intimidating as it is, well, cliche. We sit around not-so-hidden areas of campus and smoke pot, fuck with our neighboring building (FUCK YOU, TINSLEY!!!), and get involved in the usual mayhem. There are strange, strung-out, surreal people with whom we interact on a daily basis. Wally, the 48-year-old husband of one of our building's maids, likes to sit on the Brett benches and tell offensive jokes, comment on the anatomies of the present female residents, and quiz those around him as to the capitals of obscure countries ("Hey, guys, what's the capital of Taiwan?"). We aren't sure as to what exactly happened to Wally in the past (he is currently receiving unemployment), but he has told us that he is prescribed to some very powerful pain medications. Also, there is Karl. Karl is a 28-year-old who allegedly graduated from Rutgers in 1999. He rides his bike around the campus telling all sorts of strange stories to students (He sticks hammers up his ass, he likes fat women, he likes to touch men's feet, his professor once touched his penis in the woods at Livingston Campus, etc.). Unfortunately, Karl is now the subject of an investigation by the New Brunswick Police Department and we don't expect to see him anymore. Some other first month highlights include several three-gram blunts, everclear pong, a party in a neighboring dorm building with forty 40s (yes, 1600 ounces of malt liquor), and all manner of assault on Tinsley (peeing on it, shooting week-old Chinese food at it with a giant slingshot, yelling at anyone walking in or out of the building, etc.). Let's see what the semester still has in store...

By the way, the capital of Taiwan is Taipei.

12:37am: And all you see is where else you could be . . .
Why am I the only person here who doesn't have 582735073284783074079347387509957395 hours of homework a night?

4:18pm: One more shot . . .
So...I just found a joint in the hallway outside my door. College rocks.

9:18am: In case we die . . .
Freedom is awesome.

7:47am: You can't miss what you forget . . .
So I've been up for about 20 hours now, and I think I will totally be able to stay up for 18 more. Go me! Anyway, so, yes, I did spend my entire night browsing the internet and watch my newly purchased OC Season 2 DVDs, but that's okay, the way I look at it. It's sort of an accomplishment in a very sick, strange way. Perhaps I'm only seeing it as an accomplishment because I have a wicked case of the sleepy-hahas right now. Or maybe it's because I was moved by watching Seth Cohen (the less hairy West-Coast version of me - seriously, where are my royalty checks?) for, like, 5 hours. But what really did it was the walk I just had in the park with my dog. The sun was just starting its ascent into the sky, something I normally don't see because I'm asleep like a normal teenager, and shining through this grandiose mosaic of clouds, causing me to think to myself, and then say out loud to myself, "Summer is awesome." Seriously. Summer 2005 is/was so fucking awesome!!! And tonight, OH MAN. OHHHH MAN. Just you wait and see. We are taking the club by storm. This is the arms race of sound, ladies and gentlemen, and we are not going to be out-gunned.

1:08am: Los Angeles loves love . . .
Life: Are you prepared for the wonderfully, inescapably, intoxicatingly* beautiful freedom that awaits you?
Me: Yes, life. Bring it on.
Life: Are you ready to rock out, tune in, get down, shake it up, hang left, roll through, and generally dive into the atmosphere of vice?
Me: I hope so, I don't know, I -
Life: Look, man, it's all here for you. Have fun, lose your mind. That's the idea here. Just study occasionally. Now, climb aboard the U.S.S. Decadence.
Me: [deep breath] . . .

THREE
days

SIX
hours

FORTY
minutes

*I know "intoxicatingly" is not a word and I really don't care.

12:48pm: You're the only song I want to hear . . .
So here we go. Graduation was two months ago, I suppose it's time to go to college. I'm not nervous or scared, I wouldn't even say I'm hesitant. Just ruminant (and, perhaps, slightly pensive). My girlfriend is leaving the country in 3 days, some of my friends have already left the state, and after a week from today I am never going to permanently live in my house again. It's what I've been waiting for since I can remember, but now that it's so close it just seems surreal. Everyone's been telling me that college is even better than you think it's going to be. From the looks of things, that's probably true. I have been talking to awesome people, I have a check card (meaning that I can buy show tickets online), and I'm going to be on the radio. So you should all listen to me next year. Here's to college, the future, and you guys.

4:26pm: Number one in the hood, G . . .
This is a rap song that was written for me last night by Gavi, Kellie and Shemeley:

Josh Baker grinds his own beans in his coffee maker,
Wish I could say he's a virginity-taker,
When he's naked it's scary 'cause he's hairy,
Loves his kitty-cat Mary,
Josh Baker,
His little brother's name is Marc(x),
Before shows at the church he always drinks Sparks,

Josh Baker,
He's a faggot.

11:48am: Ella me dijo que es una vida buena allá . . .
Me encanta el verano. Siempre quiero más tiempo libre y el verano está llena de tiempo libre. Yo sé que el otoño viene y quiero conocer a nueva gente y aprender más, pero en este momento yo solo quiero tener tiempo libre. Quizás, es a causa del hecho que todo va a cambiar en dos semanas y no veré mis amigos mucho. No sé, realmente. La vida, la vida verdadera, es algo misteriosa y maravillosa. Espero que ustedes continuarán hablar conmigo. Hasta luego.

10:07am: Or so it seems . . .
I just had quite the morning. I woke up, walked to work, getting there at 7:55 am after going to bed at 3:00 am after a night of drinking and smoking and other debauchery. I get there, the boss tells me to go home and shave and to get white sneakers. I didn't shave because I didn't have time to do it before work and I wasn't wearing my white sneakers because I couldn't find them. On my way home, I went over things in my head and decided that I would not work there anymore. I called my boss when I got home and told him. I went back to sleep for a little while, woke up, read some of my OK Computer book, took a shower, ate a fresh-baked blueberry muffin, drank a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice, and I am currently listening to a mix that I made for my dad. It's quite good. Free copies are available. Anyway, now that I don't have a job, I have lots of free time, so let's all hang out and be merry together.

1:48pm: We get high in backseats of cars . . .
So Mary stayed over last night after we went to the club. We didn't do anything, just slept next to each other. This morning my Dad and I had a conversation:

Dad: So did you have fun last night?
Me: Yeah, it was fine.
Dad: Oh...
[long, awkward pause]
Dad: So no sex, huh?
Me: Nope.
Dad: Okay, well I'm gonna buy you some Trojans just in case that comes up.
Me: Okay. Thanks.

WTF!?!


*EDIT:

I just got home and there was a sealed envelope on my bed containing a box of 12 Trojan Ultra Pleasure lubricated condoms and a note from my Dad which I will not share, as it is private.

1:39am: Way out in the water . . .
This was a MySpace bulletin Jason showed me.

whiterabbit0067: you need to read this
whiterabbit0067: its a quintessential document in literature history

kidA744: READ THIS PLEASEE!@
kidA744: it's so funny
idevourpancakes: k!!

It is pretty much the most amazing thing ever:

START
OMG YOU HAVE TO READ THIS

Boy: baby we need to talk

Girl: ricardo, wat do u mean?

Boy: s
umthin has come up...

Girl: wat? Wuts wrong? Is it bad?

Boy: i dont want to hurt u baby

Girl: *thinks* omg i hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much

Boy: baby are you there??

Girl: yea im here wut is so important??

Boy: im not sure if i should say

Girl: well u already brought it up, so please just tell me.

Boy: im leaving....

Girl: baby wut are u talking about?? I dont want u to leave me, i love you

Boy: not like that, i mean im moving far away

Girl: why? All of ur famliy lives over here.

Boy: well my father is sending me away to a boarding skool far away.

Girl: i cant believe this.

[FATHER: (picks up tha other fone, interrupts & yells furiously) ERiKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!!!!!....Get off the damn fone!! (And hangs up)]

Boy: wow ur father sounds really mad

Girl: u know how he gets, but anywayz i dont want you to go

Boy: would you run away with me?

Girl: baby, u know i would, i would do anything for u, but i cant... U dont know wut would happen if i did. My dad would kill me !!

Boy: *sad* its ok i understand i guess..

Girl: *thinking* i cant believe wuts going on

Boy: i need to give u sumthing 2nite b/c i am leaving on flight 1-80 in tha morning, so i need to see you now.

Girl: ok i will sneak out & meet u at tha park

Boy: ok ill meet u there in 20min

[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives her a note.]

Boy: here u go, this is for you i gotta go.

Girl: ****tear (begins to cry)

Boy: baby dont cry, u know i love you...but i have 2 go

Girl: ok (begins to walk away)

[They both go back home. And erika begins to read tha letter he gave her]

It says.....

Erika,

U probably already know that im leaving, i knew this would be better if i wrote a letter explaining tha truth about how much i care about you. The truth is, is that i never loved you, i hated you so much, u are my bitch and dont u ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, n be around u. U really have no clue how much i hate you. Now that im leaving i thought u should know that i hate you bitch, u never did tha right thing, and u were never there. I didnt think i could hate someone as much as i hate you. And i never want to see you, for the rest of my life, i will never miss kissing you like before, i never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and thats a promise. U never had my love, and i want you to remember that. Bitch u keep this letter bcuz this may be tha last thing u have from me. Fuck, I hate you so much. i will not talk to you soon bitch.... Goodbye
- Ricardo

[ erika begins to cry, she throws tha paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ]

....A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely.... Then she gets a fone call....

Friend: how are u feeling?

Girl: i just cant believe this happend i thought he loved me.

Friend: o, about that. Ricardo left me a msg. A few days ago. He told me to tell u to look in ur jacket pocket or something...

Girl: ummm ok

[She finds a piece of paper in tha jacket,

It says.

Baby i hope u find this before u read my letter. I knew ur dad might read it, so i switched a few words...

Hate = Love

Never = Alwayz

Bitch = Baby

Will not= will

........ I hope u didnt take that seriously because i love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats y i wanted u to run away with me...

-Ricardo]

Girl: omg its a letter, Ricardo does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I cant believe how stupid I am!!

Friend: lol ok but i g2g... Call me later

Girl: *happy*ok bye, i'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me !!

...... Erika turns tha T.V. on......

[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for Survivors...This is a tragedy we will never forget, this plane was flight 1-80...it was on its way to an all boys boarding school..." Reporter says.

[ she turns off the tv....3 days later, she kills herself, because of tha fact that Ricardo wa dead & she had nothing to Live for... ]

....A day after that the fone rings. Nobody answers. It was Ricardo, he called to leave a msg. "Its Ricardo, i guess ur not home so, I called 2 let u know that im alive, i missed my flight b/c i had 2 see u one last time. So i hope ur not worried. I am staying for good. Sorry if u got scared, i promise 2 make it up 2 ueverything will be a be ok i love you so much...call me asap bye!!

[...he eventually finds out wut happend, and also kills himself...]

If you think this story is sad, then RE-POST!!!
...Sumtimes ppl lose tha one they love, make sure u tell that special sum1 that u love them. Or sumthing bad could happen.
END

kidA744: wow!
whiterabbit0067: !
whiterabbit0067: i told you
kidA744: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!?!$$$
kidA744: wow!!!!!
whiterabbit0067: hahahahahha i know right
whiterabbit0067: its fookin amazing
kidA744: hahahahahaha
kidA744: OMG THAT SO GOOD!!!!!
whiterabbit0067: i know right

idevourpancakes: [FATHER: (picks up tha other fone, interrupts & yells furiously) ERiKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!!!!!....Get off the damn fone!! (And hangs up)]
idevourpancakes: i think i just died right now
kidA744: haha keep going
idevourpancakes: OH DEAR GOD
idevourpancakes: HAHAHAH
idevourpancakes: it's like i'm laughing, but i want to vomit at the same time
idevourpancakes: how didyou read that whole thing?!
kidA744: keep reading!
kidA744: the end is so funny
kidA744: the end will make you piss yourself
idevourpancakes: i did i finished
kidA744: HOW AMAZING WAS THAT?!
idevourpancakes: HILARIOUSLY AMAZING
idevourpancakes: [...he eventually finds out wut happend, and also kills himself...]
i think that might be my favourite part
idevourpancakes: aside from the whole thing.
idevourpancakes: even the subject is a gem: OMG DiiSZ iiS SADD
kidA744: yESSSS


Seriously, how great was that?

1:01am: I go to the high school, I got to the high school . . .
As it were, tonight I was just thinking about some things. Essential questions, if you will, about life. For example:

(1)Who are cooler: ninjas or pirates?
(2)Why is Radiohead so ungodly amazing?
(3)What is wrong with people?
(4)Why do we let money matter so much?
(5)Where can I get some of that?

I just thought I'd put that out there and see if anyone has answers. It doesn't even have to be definitive. Just a theory will be greatly appreciated. Be well, all.